I wasn’t allowed to get up for the day so that meant I would not be able to see Cecilia until the next day. It was horrible, I was in a room with other three women and they were all with their babies. How unfair and painful. Every time I heard a baby cry I would feel so guilty. Also I felt I didn’t have a baby, I still felt pregnant.
It was hard to feel happy every time Manuel would come and tell me how Cecilia was doing and what she looked like. Everyone had been able to see her except for me. After carrying her for 30 weeks, that privilege of being the first one to touch her, look at her had been taken away from me.
But even though I didn’t have Cecilia with me I was suppose to get my milk supply up to speed. Luckily I seemed to have a good supply because as soon as I started messaging my breast colostrum was starting to come out.
Until you have a baby and especially premature, women don’t know how valuable colostrum is. It is like gold!!!! It protects your baby from illness and infection, aids the development of your baby’s eyesight, speech and intelligence. This gold was going to help Cecilia win some of the battles that she would have ahead of her.
Every drop was treated like a litre and we made sure with Manuel that we would catch every single drop.
The next day I was finally able to go and see Cecilia in a wheel chair. I was very nervous and scared. I had a heap of mixed feelings.
At the ward they handed me some booklets, brochures and forms regarding New Born Services and expressing. I tried to read as much as I could and absorbed as much information as I could but my mind and heart were in a different place.
After going down a very long corridor we finally reached the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) section of New Born Services. When we got there I was told by Manuel that I had remove my watch and bracelets and ensure that I had my sleeves pulled up every time I would come in to see her. Also it was a must to clean your hands with this smelly and pink disinfectant.
As Manuel wheeled me in the room I did not understand the severity or how intense was the care that Cecilia was receiving.
When I finally got to see Cecilia I was overwhelmed with happiness but sadness at the same time. She looked so tiny and fragile in this little clear box (incubator) full of tubes and wires in and on her body. I felt so guilty that she had to go throw all of this.
Cecilia was not the only baby in NICU which gave me some comfort. I thought that if they were here Cecilia was going to be ok and this was just normal because she was early. Now I know it is not quite like that.
I felt very puzzled because I didn’t know what I was suppose to do and what was going to happen next with Cecilia, the only I knew was the following:
- She weighed 1.108kg and her length was 40.5cm
- Her head circumference was 27cm which apparently was too small
- She was born with her hands and fingers contracted
- Her left kidney was duplex and cystic
- Her ventricles and her heart were large
- She was on CPAP to help her breath
- They were giving her Fat through an IV
- She had a feeding tube, also called Nasogastric Tube (NGT) which they had to put it down through her mouth because her nostrils were too small.
They told me that Cecilia had only been intubated (a tube down her throat so she could breath) for 24 hours when she was born and then they were able to put her on CPAP (Continuos Positive Airway Pressure). Of course I did not understand all this medical jargon and my head was about to explode with so much information.
They were also feeding her 1ml of EBM (Expressed Breast Milk) every hour so they kept on stressing how important I kept up with my supply.
There was so much to take in but at the same time I wanted to know everything there was to know. I am a person that likes to read everything there is out there so I can be well informed. Of course there was no manual or course for this.
I was given a couple of booklets regarding ‘New Born Services’ and when it was time to go home, but these were a high overview.
I was so confused, I didn’t know if I was supposed to be there 24/7, do something, etc. It was so hard.
That day I was able to have my first cuddle with Cecilia. It was wonderful to feel her weight on my chest. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t believe that Manuel and I had created this pressures little princess. She was beautiful in every way.
It was hard for Manuel to leave the hospital every night and go to an empty house; he just wanted stay there with us 24/7. I would have felt much better if he had been able to stay.
I had to at least stay four days in hospital because I had a caesarean so I was able to go and see her as many times as I wanted.
At night I would struggle to get up every 4 hours to express. Not having someone to get up to is very hard and sad.
Already I had to deal with all the post birth symptoms that all women go through, hormones all over the place, pain from surgery or natural birth, breast pain, issues with bawl movement plus I had to deal with everything that was going on with Cecilia and that I was not going to be able to take her home when I was going to be discharged.
Luckily Cecilia was doing well, her feeds had been increased gradually, she had passed urine, had bawl movements and she had opened her eyes.
Day four come up and I had to leave. I was able to hire a breast pump from New Born Services and I bought the pump set which I would need to sterilize at least every second use.
Leaving the hospital was one of the many hard things that I have had to do. Manuel picked me up and before we left we spent some time with Cecilia. As we drove away from the hospital my body started to ache and the pain in my heart was overwhelming. This was such an awful feeling. I felt I was abandoning my child. How was I going to live with myself?
Walking into the house without my precious princess was weird. I needed her so bad and I also knew that she needed me.
Of course my plan was to see her everyday but I was told not to drive for six weeks due to my surgery, therefore I was lucky to get my mother to drive me for 10 days.
The first thing that I did was put a plan together to be able to schedule my breast expressions around the travel and visiting time.
My first expression was a 6am and Mum would pick me up at 9am so I could get in to hospital before 10am which was my next expression, and spend at least half an hour before expressing catching up with everything that had happened in the morning.
To express I would have to go to the expressing room or sometimes the nurses would bring the pump next to Cecilia’s isolate (they would also bring a shade it you wanted more privacy, but I think that I only used once) so I could be with her while expressing. This is supposed to help with the stimulation which luckily I had no issues with. I had plenty of breast milk.
We would stay until 1pm so I could make it in time for my next expression at 2pm at home.
After expressing I would have some lunch and rest until my next expression which was due at 6pm.
Manuel would arrive from work at 5.15pm, we would have a quick dinner, I would express and we would leave again to go to the hospital. Usually we would arrive at 7pm and we would stay until 9pm – 10pm.
With Manuel we would take heaps of photos and videos. I also would let Manuel do all her cares (change nappy, clean her mouth, clean her isolate, etc) and have cuddles with her because I was able to do this in the morning.
The best was the Kangaroo Care. This consists of having a skin to skin cuddle with the baby in a comfy armchair. We could spend hours with her like this. Every time I had a Kangaroo cuddle I would feel so happy and that everything was ok.
Cecilia was progressing really well and she was of the CPAP after a week therefore they were going to move her to Bay 1 which is Special Care Nursery (right next to the exit door) This meant that Cecilia was no longer unwell; she just needed to grow, put on weight and eventually start to breast feed.
We were really excited and we were starting to plan that she would be ok to leave in another 5 – 7 weeks.
During that week we learned much more about how New Born Services work and what things we were allowed to do.
No comments:
Post a Comment